UNPOPULAR OPINION: Those Little Jerks Serve A Purpose

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parks

#3: ย Soccer Moms = Security

When was the last time you heard about a carjacking in the idyllic suburban park across from the middle school?

Never. ย That’s when.

The biggest bit of drama you’re going to find out in the ‘burbs are overzealous helicopter parents who don’t want you to smoke drugs until you get toย atย leastย the sixth tee, and who will only call you out on having alcoholic beverages if you’re too dumb to keep a coozie in your bag.

While you definitely don’t ever want nosy neighbors at home, when you’re traveling out to parts unknown to play disc golf, these Chatty Cathy’s and their HOA hooligans are uniquely adept at keeping the riff-raff out of their parks by constantly annoying the local police.

So, if Little Johnny’s mom is going to be parking her oversized luxury SUV in two spaces near the first tee when they come to walk their $3,000 designer dog, you best believe that it only takesย one break-in to get that nipped in the bud. ย Soon, there will be more bacon patrolling the park than Waffle House serves in a week.

Get back to your drugs, Bertha.

While that may be a bit unnerving every time you roll up ready to, um,ย recreate, it’s keeping your stereo inside of your dashboard and your wallet inside of your pocket.

CONTINUE.