Here we are, in this year of our Lord 2024, kicking back and staring at disc golf, our beloved disc golf, latching onto the hype it sold itself in the post-coital wake of the COVID boom.ย Like we didn’t notice.ย As if we didn’t register the fact that manufacturers were pulling the same tricks as the DDGA ninjas and the hyzer-hype-hipsters on Discord.ย Did you really think that we’d not notice those $24.99’s turning into $29.99’s?ย Y’all just bought fucking STATMANDO:ย You don’t get any sort of pass for “We DoN’t mAtH gOoD”.
Maybe Prodigy was onto something with their big ol’ bet on Beijing?ย Time will tell.
But I digress.ย This is the week in which the engagement tides have steered us all toward the DGPT once again, for better or worse.ย ย The Professional Disc Golf Tour is back, and not in Las Vegas.ย No, the fear and loathing of the opening whistle of the season was gifted to a near-GOAT Paul McBeth, who made the financial decision to buy a disc golf course and have a baby in the off-season.ย Oh, and then he got sued.ย [Editor’s note:ย I should have considered all of this before taking P.McB. first in my fantasy draft.]
Paul’s contribution to the sport cannot be overstated, but one would be exposing their own naivete by pretending that disc golf’s financial flood hasn’t already narrowed into but a few deep, lucrative streams.
There’s that digression again.ย Oops.ย Here’s the meat of the article that you thought the headline was giving you.ย Sorry.
THE GOOD:
- Eveliina Salonen and Her Putt:ย Dear Lord has FPO needed this.ย Salonen is the purest power thrower we’ve seen since Jennifer Allen – no cap – and there’s no way to say that lightly.ย We’re talking about a player who simply blasts the disc out of her hand.ย Look around: There are very few on Eveliina’s level of oomph.ย In 2023, unfortunately, there were struggles on the green.ย These things happen, and often to some of our favorite characters in the game; Salonen being among them.ย And, to see the Finn not only triumph, but do so with an enormous smile, seemed to suggest there may still be a wrinkle left to be ironed out in Kristin Tattar’s presumptive 2024 coronation gown.
- Honorable mention:ย Henna Blomroos smashing putts.ย European FPO appears to have shed their putting yips in the off-season, and that makes the next two Worlds a little scary for us Yanks.
- Tony Breaks The Seal:ย Anthony Barela is the guy that your favorite pro is afraid of, even if they won’t admit it.ย His ceiling has always been Willie-Nelson-high.ย Like, Paul Wynne Robinsocki or someone. He just hadn’t done the thing.ย Now he’s done the thing.ย Game on.
THE WEIRD:
- Vinny and PP Do Some Doo Doo:ย Heimburg’s got a bit of a bum elbow, and Paige is coming off a broken foot, which, given Vinny’s notorious ankle roll, feels a little backwards.ย Great players, bad weekend?ย Probably.ย I wouldn’t drop them from your fantasy teams, but this is not financial advice.ย I just like the stock.
THE UGLY:
- The Comment Section of Any FPO Post:ย Christ Almighty, do y’all have any manners?ย Like, fine, I get it:ย You have an opinion.ย So do I.ย A lot of America put a big old asterisk next to Barry Bonds’ name on the homerun list, but civilized people don’t get aroused by the idea of positing that opinion on celebrations of other players’ highlights.
- PDGA Live Scoring Chernobyls:ย You’re on the 16th green with a one-stroke lead, and someone’s idiot caddie is murmuring about scores from a hole ago.ย Your momentum interrupted, you step off the tee to a half-dozen bewildered faces, all frantically doing the thumb swipe that their phone wants to signal a refresh.ย “Oh fuck, who’s got the UDisc going?”.ย You’re met with blank stares.
- Now imagine that this happens nationwide…including for the DGPT.
- Now thumb through an issue of Disc Golfer Magazine and estimate its value.
- Now remember that it’s $50 for PDGA, $30 for UDisc, and who knows what for Disc Golf Network.
